Confidence

For a few days over the past week, I have felt like making myself look 'pretty'. This involves putting on a bit of make-up, nice clothes, and putting my hair up. Now, when I say I want to make myself look 'pretty', it's not because I think I look ugly. I just wanted to make myself look and feel nice.

This has gotten me thinking. I do not remember one point in the past few years where I have looked into the mirror and have thought of myself as 'ugly' or 'unattractive'. Not once. I look in the mirror and think that there are other girls prettier than me. Let's face it, we all think that way. And yes, I have my 'imperfections' - we all do. However, I don't think of myself as ugly.

Then I thought: 'Why? So many other people consider themselves unattractive. Why do I have such confidence that I am beautiful?'

Then it hit me.

A few years ago, I, like a lot of other people, would wait for someone to tell me I was beautiful, pretty, amazing, wanted, and fantastic. I had the frame of mind that these things were only true if someone else told me that they were. Then, one day, I got tired of waiting. So, I started telling myself these things. I repeated them over and over until I believed it myself. Now, although I still am shy, insecure, and a generally private person - I do not have an issue with how I look. Yes, I am quite underweight, but that isn't a problem. It's just me.

This is a lot of people's problem: they wait for other people to tell them that they are wanted, beautiful, and valued. The thing is, though, with other people, they are only temporary. Even if you find someone who thinks all of these things of you, chances are they won't say it every day. You won't see them every second of every day. The only person who can tell you these things exactly when you need or want to hear them is yourself. You are the only person who can tell yourself every second until you die. So, why not start now? Keep telling yourself these things, and if other people want to try and make you feel ugly, unworthy, or useless, then that's their fault. It's their loss for not wanting to be friends with such an awesome person as you.

Of course, we should all try to make everyone around us feel beautiful and wanted, but in order to truly feel this ourselves, we need to convince ourselves we are, instead of waiting for someone else to convince us.

Doing this makes us feel a lot more confident. It's how we become confident, I think.

We shouldn't be vain, though. We shouldn't brag about how much more beautiful we are than other people, just because we feel like we are. That is selfish, and a horrible thing to do. We can feel beautiful and valued without being vain: that was always my goal when I began this journey of telling myself these things, and I have realised that I have
achieved it.

The idea of this post came after I began to write up a caption
for this photo on my Instagram.

Seeing The Worst In People

It astounds me some days how people automatically jump to the worst conclusion (or, at least, a bad one). If someone does something 'nice', it's because of some unsaid horrible reason. People think this especially if we don't particularly like said person. Oh, they gave us a bag of clothes? It's because that person wants to see us walking around in 'their' clothes. No, no, it couldn't be because they had spare clothes, and saw our family as a good family to give clothes to. The just couldn't be doing something nice.

One example: While someone parking a car, the driver the car parked it in a 'no parking spot'. I mean, everyone parks there, so that makes it OK, right? (The answer is no. Just because it's the 'norm', just because 'everyone does it' - this does not mean that it is 'OK' or 'right'. I might come back to this later). As the three people got out of the car, another lady drove past. They had taken the last 'spot' in the car park, and she was driving right past them. She stopped and leaned out her window. "That's a No Parking zone," she told them. The driver got back into thecar and drove to park the car elsewhere. One passenger's and the driver's reaction was; 'Oh, she probably wanted the park herself, and she was just annoyed, so she made it so we couldn't park there.'

Seriously?

We don't know her thoughts or reasons for doing what she did. Maybe she was being spiteful. Maybe she was doing something nice by pointing out that we had parked in a No Parking zone. People don't seem to think about the latter reason. No, they automatically jump to the former.

The thing is, though, that we can't read minds. We don't know what's going on in other people's heads. We don't know if they're doing something to spite us, or doing something to be nice. So what's the point in jumping to conclusions? What's the point in talking about them like that behind their backs, when they just showed some common courtesy? I, quite honestly, don't understand it.



Okay, time to go back to that other point I made up there. The one about it being 'OK' if everyone does it. Yeah, that. It's quite ridiculous, actually. If something is wrong, it's wrong. Simple. It shouldn't matter if 'everyone' is doing it, it shouldn't matter if it's the society 'norm'. If it's wrong, it's wrong, and we shouldn't do it.

Lying is wrong. People lie all the time. This doesn't make it OK. It's still wrong. Everyone knows this.
I believe that abortion is wrong. It's the society 'norm' to think it's 'OK', though. Does this mean that I'm going to waive my view? No. It's still wrong.
Parking in that parking spot is against the law. Everyone does that. It makes it OK? No. It doesn't matter who does it, or for what reason, if it's wrong, it's wrong. Simple. I don't understand why people have to complicate matters so much.

Another point is that, even if you have a good goal, if your means of reaching that goal is wrong, it's still wrong. A positive plus a negative is a negative. When people think of something really nice, something amazing, that they want to do, but the ways they fulfil this vision that they have is not right, then it doesn't really matter, because they're doing wrong things.

What do you think about people seeing the worst in others? What about the things that are considered 'normal' around us, but just aren't right? And about when people try to achieve a good goal, but use wrong means?

I've also created a Facebok page. Like it here! https://www.facebook.com/livingacrosstheriver

Comparing Yourself To Others

We, as humans, like to compare ourselves to others. By doing so, we see where we excel at things, and where we fall short. This is good. This is all a part of our human growth.

The problems come through when we compare in a way that makes our faults shine through. Instead of looking up at someone and thinking "I want to improve myself to become like them." in a positive, we look up at people and feel that sinking feeling in our chest. We think that we could never be like them. We think that we could never achieve what they have achieved. We think that we're just not good enough for anything.

If you look at people and think this, or if you just think it anyway (which, by the way, you may not realise it, but it is probably caused by you subconsciously comparing yourself to others), then you need to do one thing. Stop.

These people you're looking up to: remember, they were probably like you once. They probably weren't born an amazing singer, a wonderful artist, or a fantastic writer. They worked really hard at what they loved. Also, they still have their faults. They're not perfect, nobody on this Earth is.

Please realise that you are good enough. You are an amazing human being, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Recognize your flaws, work on them, but remember that your flaws are not the only thing that makes you a human being. You have talents. You are amazing.

Realise that, while you may not be good at singing, say, you could be one of the most loving people around. While you may not be good at talking to people, you might be awesome at playing music! If you're not good at video games, maybe you're good at puzzles.

Remember that there are always new things for you to try out - keep trying new things, and just have fun with it!Also, even if you feel like you are hopeless at something, you might actually be really good, but you just haven't realised it! I've felt like I was pretty hopeless at heaps of things, but then, one day, I realised that I actually was pretty good at it. My problem was that the better I got, the higher the bench mark went, and so did my bass threshold of 'this is horrible' (for me to do).

Keep smiling, and keep doing what you love.

What do you think about comparing yourself to others?

Hurting Others

It has come to my attention that people tend to hurt others. This post is in regards to hurting people's feelings, particularly, not really hurting people physically.

I have noticed, a lot, that people tend to get some sort of satisfaction from hurting others. For example, someone does something to deliberately hurt their 'ex' because they're their 'ex'. Or, Person #1 hurts Person #2 somehow, by their words, or actions, and then Person #2 turns around and hurts Person #1 to 'get even'.

The thing that I don't understand is, how does one acquire satisfaction from it? Is it really satisfying? How can people feel happy by hurting others?

People make comments like, 'Oh, we should definitely tell them this, because that would be funny!'. I don't think that they take into account that they're hurting another person. That this other person is, in fact, a human being, just like them, with a life, thoughts, and feelings. I can't get this out of my head, which is why I try my hardest to not hurt anybody. I know what it's like. It isn't a good feeling.

Now, I'm not saying I've never hurt someone to 'get even'. I tried it once. One and a half years ago. The result? I've had a deep feeling of regret ever since. I think I ruined one of the truest friendships I've ever had. Admittedly, yes, they technically 'took the first move', but I didn't need to respond the way I did. I didn't need to turn around and hurt them back. I can only hope that they know how sorry I am.

Hurting someone back is not something that 'just happens'. It is a conscious decision that we, as humans, make. If you find 'pleasure' in hurting another human beings by your words and/or actions, then I'm afraid that I will never understand you. Please just try to realise that all humans have feelings. All people dislike to be shunned, ignored, thrown insults at, or however else you can hurt someone. Also, remember, that just because you may be hurt, that doesn't give you a good enough excuse to turn around and hurt them. It's just not a good enough excuse.

Before you turn around and hurt someone, think to yourself: "Would I like this to happen to me?" Or, if it's already happened to you, why on Earth would you want to turn around and do the exact same thing back? You know how it felt.

I'm also not saying that these things should just be ignored. No. Try talking about it, and if that doesn't work, take further actions. What I'm trying to say is that it is wrong to try and 'get even' by deliberately hurting another human being.


What are your thoughts on this topic?

Differences

Someone I know made a comment near the beginning of the year, and ever since I've been thinking a lot about it.

I was talking to him, and he asked me why I often sit off on my own. I responded, telling him that socializing is not my strong point, due to the fact that I do not know what to say to people a lot of the time. Like, I can talk to some, but I find it hard to keep a conversation flowing in real life (it's easier on the internet), especially with someone who I don't know or barely know. It's almost impossible for me to talk to a complete stranger. But, I am slowly learning and improving.

His response, though, is what has gotten me thinking so much.

"Oh, your life must be boring, then."

It truly baffles me, to be honest. I don't socialize as much as others, so my life must be boring? His response was not meant as an insult, and nor do I take it as one, it's just an off comment. But, it got me thinking.

I do understand where he's coming from. He's probably one of those people who socializes all the time. One of those people who enjoys to be around people all the time.

But, the fact that his immediate response to someone, whose social life is very different from his, is to think it's boring, well, that's just strange, to me.

No, I'm not the kind of person who enjoys being around people 24/7. I do need my space (quite frequently, sometimes). I enjoy sitting off on my own, with a book. Or a piece of paper, and a pencil, where I draw. I enjoy going off on my own and playing music. I enjoy just being on my own and 'zoning out' while I listen to music.

My life isn't 'boring'. I have so much I do, so much I think about, so much that keeps me entertained.

But, I guess, this happens a lot. People have differences. I've come to the conclusion that the 'standard' way of thinking is: Oh, you're different, you live your life differently, you must be boring/stupid/crazy.

People can't seem to handle differences. They like things to be the same. They don't like the fact that people are different. They like new things, sometimes, but they dislike the thought of people being so different, and living different lives from their own.

I'm quite good at handling different people, I've discovered. There's only been one person who I've met who I didn't know how to handle, and that's mainly because I couldn't seem to have any form of conversation with her. Like, she refused to listen to anyone, pretty much.



Another point, on the topic of people being 'different', which I think about a lot is the derogatory, and insulting, use of the word 'retard' in modern society. I, as a person who was born with Autism, find it highly insulting every time a person makes a joke/statement saying:
"That's retarded!"
"You're so retarded!"
"Oh my gosh, are they retarded?"
"You just went full retard. Never go full retard."

People seem to think that they're being 'funny' or 'cool'. Sorry to inform anybody who uses it, but, they're not. It's not funny. At all.

Retard means:
'Delay or hold back in terms of progress or development'
'A person who has a mental disability (often used as a general term of abuse)'

The fact that 'retard' has been defined with the definition that it's a term of abuse truly disgusts me. I'm not saying there aren't 'retarded' people out there. Because, let's face it, there are. People with 'mental disabilities' are technically 'retarded'.

It isn't funny to use the term to define every day objects. It's not cool to define things as this just because they're a little bit different than what you're used to. People don't understand what it's like to be 'retarded'. People don't get the fact that others lives are a struggle every day because they're 'retarded'.

That sandwich you're holding? It isn't retarded. That program on your computer? Neither is that. Your perfectly 'normal' friend? They're not retarded, either. That weird sound you just heard? That is also not retarded.

People need to wake up and realize that, just as terms that are considered 'racist' are highly insulting to some people, which is why we are not allowed to use them, the term 'retarded' is highly insulting to others, and should not be used lightly.



In summary: Yes, people are different from you. People think differently. People act differently. That doesn't mean that they're 'bad people'. That doesn't mean that they lead 'boring lives'. Respect them. Respect is something that seems to be deteriorating in the modern world, which upsets me. Respect others. It's really that simple.

"Look Up"

If you haven't seen this video, then I recommend that you watch it. Ever since I watched it, I've realised how much I look at my phone, just because I'm 'bored', when I could be spending time with people. I'm making a conscious effort to put it down when I don't need to be looking at it. And I realised that, even though I dislike it when people do this, I am guilty of sometimes looking at my phone while talking to someone. This is something I've changed as well.

This video has a great message about today's world, with all the social media and technology.

Are you guilty, like me, of over-using your phone, or any technology, while there are other people about? What do you think of this video?

A thought on feelings... anger

People get angry all the time. For example, people become angry when;

They fail a test

Others laugh at them

They are tricked / teased

etc. etc. etc.

But the questions are; who are they angry at, and why are they really angry?

Now, what are the answers?

I think the answer to the first question (Who) is; They are angry at themselves.

When I am angry, I am angry at myself. I realized this a few weeks ago.

My reasons? Let's say, for example, you fail a test. You are angry. Why? Because you feel like a failure. You feel like if you put some more effort into study, you would have passed.

Ok now for another example; You share a room with one of your siblings, and the room is in a mess. You are interrupted from computer, reading, art etc., whatever you like to do in your free time, to go clean up your room. Of course, it is natural that you'll get angry. Now, who are you angry at? Your siblings? I don't believe so. I think you're angry at yourself. You feel like if you had cleaned your room when you first saw it was messy, instead of putting it off 'till later, you would've been able to finish whatever you were doing in your free time. But who will you blame? Probably your siblings. Why? Because we, as humans, naturally do not like to blame ourselves. When we are blamed for something, we feel guilty, the guilty feeling doesn't feel nice, so we try not to feel it. So, we blame our siblings, so we won't feel guilty. The more we do this, the more we convince ourselves that it really isn't our fault, so rather soon it becomes so natural that we automatically do it!

I believe I answered both questions then but anyway a recap;

Who? We get angry at ourselves Why? Because we don't like to think that we've failed at something.

Well, that's what I think anyway.

Thoughts?